A fundamental piece of establishing independence is learning how to make good decisions. In order to guide this process, you need to note at each step what your child – each child, because for each it will be different – considers a worthwhile challenge. Then you must calculate the life expectancy of that challenge,– how long it’s good for. The life expectancy of each challenge is the timeframe allowed before you must again intervene. With bike riding, for instance, make yourself a list of the places your child may want to go alone or with friends, adding those that would be helpful to you, too, so you can chauffeur less: school, playdates, errands for the family. As a family, discuss these trips along with those that the child might add. Confer regularly at first and then periodically as the project develops.

Note that independence – a firmly established sense of responsibility – arrives in stages. As with shoe-tying, the obvious value to parents in a child’s acquiring any skill is that he’ll need less supervision, allowing you more time for your own pursuits – work, shopping, and time with younger siblings. But don’t, like my mother, leave all choices to a child without adult input (see Part 1).

A healthy five- or six-year old will not rush to break rules. If you tell him, ”No crossing streets until you can show me you’re ready!” he will probably tell you when he’s ready. Meanwhile he’ll be learning to handle his bike and enjoying his new mastery of old territory. But stick around, it won’t be long. Monitor progress throughout the process, and spend time nearby. Later, be aware of the amount of time your child is off riding alone. Most of all, clearly state each and every rule as the situation arises, and note its observation: the way your child responds to your first rule will tell you his likely response to others.

In The End…

All in all, it's work launching a child in any complex activity. You must let go when the child gets it, but not before. (If he’s the space shuttle, you’re the booster providing liftoff.) He may need days and several tries to give up those training wheels – to stop wanting to tell you how to help and actually take off on his own.

While for you it's all about guidance, support and slowly letting go, for your son or daughter, a bike is about the courage that leads to confidence. It's learning to trust her bike in the way that she once trusted only you. It's the freedom of wheels that will take her faster than she can run, faster than either Mom or Dad can run, and even faster than that barking dog can run, if she only has the courage to keep pedaling.

A critical note: be careful to match the size of the new bike to your child's height. I still recall Mindy, the child in my neighborhood whose parents bought her a big beautiful blue bike to learn on, and how, in those days before helmets, she fell headfirst from her big beautiful bike, and was hospitalized, and died. Get a good helmet, not a cheap one; if your child is anything like I was as a kid, you won't know everywhere she rides or what tricks she’ll want to try. If you thought your toddler fell regularly when learning to walk, it's a bigger, harder fall from a bike, and no less frequent at first.

Finally, the message that mastering a two-wheeler delivers is this: just look straight ahead and keep pedaling. You’ll get where you need to go.

What a great lesson for a child to learn.

Questions for You:

Do you have bike-riding children of your own, or for whom you, as a nanny, provide care? If so, where do they ride and what rules are given to them about riding?

Did you have a bike and did your experience vary much from mine at that age?

How do you think bike-riding children should be restricted as to where they go?

How should parents reconcile their concerns for their children's safety – in re the presence of drug dealers, kidnappers, child molesters and thieves – with their desire to encourage independence?

Let me know – I'll respond!